sometimes..Even. L O V E .F.a.i.l.s.//

why_oh_you @ 2008-11-01T21:27:00

2008-11-02T03:51:07Z

I seriously love my life, and its crazy way of working out.

There was this boy, we've been off and on since August, we had really great thing going, and then things started going downhill, not going as expected... But I didn't let myself get depressed over it. And I had faith that, regardless of if we were together or not, things would work out for the best. I trusted that, in the end, I'd be okay and what was meant to happen would.
And then last night, I met another guy. And he is amazing. Hanging out with him got my mind off of guy number 1, for the first time in months. Since boy 1, being without him for too long felt wrong, like a part of me was missing. Last night, that part still wasn't there, but it was okay. Like, maybe I didn't have all the pieces still, but the piece I was missing wasn't a requirement.
It was just what I needed to feel.

Life is an amazing thing.

why_oh_you @ 2008-10-28T23:11:00

2008-10-29T05:14:00Z

I have an interview tomorrow for a position in a research lab. I am so excited for the job, and so nervous for the interview.

I haven't updated this since I got my tattoo, back in July, so I figured it was time. But that's all I really have on my mind right now. There is one other thing, but it's way too complicated to try to explain here.

Oh and one more thing, I fuggin' love Aly and Sarah<3<3<3

New tat!

2008-07-04T23:43:10Z

I finally got my My Little Pony tattoo! It came out soooo good! I love it. And as always, reconfirmed my love for tattoos...I really wish I had more funds so that I could get the rest of the ones I currently have planned...

Anyway, here it is!

why_oh_you @ 2008-04-12T12:17:00

2008-04-12T18:22:17Z

This whole semester has been nothing but problem after problem. Disaster after disaster.
I don't really want to get into details on this. I'm just going to say, Someone I care about might get killed, and if he doesn't die, he'll wish he had (aka will be in intensive care/unrecognizable/in a coma, says the people who are threatening it). And these aren't people that make empty threats. And it's for something he claims not to have done, but I find it very hard to believe him.
And that's just the tip of the shit iceberg I'm stuck in. And that's on top of all the other stuff that happened previously.

&Yet, I've generally been happy recently.

Randomness and Memories

2008-04-03T20:29:23Z

I wonder what brings on these sudden little reminiscent periods. Randomly, or at least it seems completely random to me, I have some memory. Sometimes, that triggers more memories. More thoughts. More happiness. More memories still.

Like today, I don't know what started it. Memories with Sarah Ronan. But I don't remember specifics.

why_oh_you @ 2008-02-29T18:13:00

2008-03-01T01:15:29Z

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

Seems like that is true too often. Or at least that the right thing is hard.
He needs rehab, I know he does...but at the same time, I was wishing he wouldn't go.
Bad Timing... ha, you have no idea.

why_oh_you @ 2008-02-23T18:43:00

2008-02-24T01:46:17Z

It's amazing how much something like this changes friendships. We've been focusing on how this has torn some of us apart, but today I realized how much it has brought some of us together. Like Jenny and I, who never really hung out before, though we'd say we needed to hang out soon and all that. But now, we've hung out 3 or 4 times this past week, and are going to chill tonight as well. I love her, and consider her one of my best friends now. And Stefania and I have grown a lot closer. We've been hanging out so much more and doing spontaneous (and always turn out to be amazing) things together.

edit: so much for Stefania and I being closer. We act like strangers around each other now.

why_oh_you @ 2008-02-16T18:11:00

2008-02-17T01:13:55Z

Thursday night Ryan, Rich, Daniel, and Alan came over.
Ryan Rich and Alan left around 5 in the morning.
Apparently at 4 on Friday, Alan ODed.
Ryan is now in Jail.
We're pretty sure that Alan is dead.

I can't even think. All I keep thinking is I can't believe this happened.

why_oh_you @ 2008-01-18T22:48:00

2008-01-19T05:55:18Z

I fuckin' love Aly!!!
Tonight has so far been amazing. And its guna get fuckin' better.
Update later. Off to party bitchesssss

Back now. Talking about lots of crazy stuff with Aly. This kind of...i got distracted by talking, now I don't remember the end of that sentence. But I might remember it if I keep that part of the sentence. Oh, maybe it was, "this kind of sucks that we have to save some of this."

Anyway off to talk more. ^_^
I'm so glad that Aly is here.

[wake up &waste a day-chase away a day at a time-&waste away...clean-faced today-._clean taste of yay]]

(...but I'm not good at being me anymore)

why_oh_you @ 2008-01-16T06:45:00

2008-01-16T14:27:39Z

The past 2 days I have gotten an hour or less of sleep. From somewhere between 5 and 6am to somewhere between 6 and 6 30 am. I got roughly 30 minutes last night, being woken up every 7 minutes. I guess I should say this morning...since it was almost 6 by the time i started attempting sleep.

Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. Worse than getting arrested. Worse than going to the hospital. Worse than breaking my jaw (which now hurts quite a bit again...but not enough that I think it got rebroke last night, just probably agitated). Stefania and I got in a huge fight. It was my fault that we started actually fist fighting. (And by that I mean she was hitting me/pushing me, and I was pushing her off of me and trying my best not to hit her back.)

I think things are ok now. She came home this morning around 7. I was in the kitchen cleaning and drinking my coffee.

[&what's a little fight? tomorrow you'll be boys again.]

I love that girl.

why_oh_you @ 2008-01-10T03:23:00

2008-01-10T10:26:33Z

I'm willing to be miserable everyday, for the rest of my life, to be with you. Even just for one day with you, like we used to have...

[You make Me feel so Alive_if i die tomorrow...]

looking back on the year...

2007-12-14T04:07:38Z

Post the first line of the first entry (that isn't a survey) for each month this past year.

January- "Last night for the first time ever, I went to a New Years party, with frends not family."

February- "I love the feeling after i work out for a while really hard."

March- "I'm a fool, a complete an total naive fool."

April- "I'm so sick of being alone."

May- "What happened last night was so not what I expected to be doing."

June- "Well, I'm back in Jersey. Actually I have been for about a week and a half..."

July- "It's been probably almost 2 years since I've seen you."

August- "So I went back and read really old entries on here, like from when I first started using this."

September- "Last night was Fucked Up."

October- "Over the weekend I lost the necklace that Louis's cousin Danielle gave me."

November- "I've been taking time to try to realize every small blessing through out the day."

December- "It snowed a ton today."

why_oh_you @ 2007-12-08T21:17:00

2007-12-09T04:19:04Z

It snowed a ton today.
It's beautiful.
I couldn't go out to the barn, but hopefully tomorrow it will be better.

Life is really good right now ^_^
[maybe minus the stress of getting all of this stuff done... =\]

why_oh_you @ 2007-11-30T16:24:00

2007-11-30T23:27:50Z

So, wednesday night was fun. I was in the kitchen, and I fell. Just fell, passed out. Apparently my face or chin hit first. It hurt a lot. I shrug it off.
Thursday, still can't really move it at all, and it hurts more and more through the day, still drank. But decided to go to the dentist.
Today I went, I broke my jaw. Basically, the connecting bone between the lower and upper jaw.
I broke it. I fell, and broke my jaw.
Soo, I got my jaw wired shut today!

why_oh_you @ 2007-11-28T17:34:00

2007-11-29T00:40:50Z

Life's been good.
Being home was amazing.
There's this guy, who I absolutely love talking to. Getting to hang out with him was absolutely fabulous. I wish he lived out here >_<;;

I still think about him all the time. It's been forever since I've seen him. Nothing is the same. We for sure don't have the connection that we used to. But I still think about him all the time. Especially if I talk to him, for the next week he is pretty much all I think about.

(I'ld_go_So_Far_to_please_you_but I bet You.Wouldn't.Care.At.All..]I'mStillHopingThatI'llBeWithYouSomehow))

[A Thousand Miles Aint Shit To Walk, __If I'm Walking To Hold You__But I'll be just Fine Without You...]

why_oh_you @ 2007-11-14T21:12:00

2007-11-15T04:16:29Z

I've been taking time to try to realize every small blessing through out the day. And it is amazing how blessed I truly am, and it's amazing, how much happier, and calmer/less stressed/more peaceful, I have been. I actually got the idea from my pastor's sermon this past sunday, I love it.

I think God really gave me perfect timing for the sermon. This is a hard hard week for me. I had a test in every one of my classes, actually still have 1 left, and a project for Russian to do. And on top of that, the past is haunting me, things that could have, would have, been. But I am getting through the week, for the most part, with a smile on my face, happy.

Becca, I love you, I miss you. You are the reason behind all that I am today. I'm coming home this sunday until the next sunday. I would really love to see you.

why_oh_you @ 2007-10-22T19:29:00

2007-10-23T01:35:06Z

Yesterday, sunday, I drove to Neveda with Stefania and TJ. It took somewhere around 15 hours, for a 9 hour drive. Many setbacks, including a snow storm, frozen/busted windshield wiper fluid shooter things, a closed highway (we waited for 2.5 hours in Laramie, Wyo), and more...
Stefania and I stayed the night in Salt Lake City, Utah. In a nice hotel (Ramada), for only 77 dollars after tax.
Then we drove the 8 hours home again today. We didn't make it in time for our classes, but that's ok.
It was overall a fun trip.

why_oh_you @ 2007-10-19T15:41:00

2007-10-19T21:43:47Z

Wednesday night I got completely wasted. It was fun. Up until I went over to Steve's.
He's a very very VERY fucked up kid. It was a very rough night for me. And it will continue being rough until my family gets here in a week. At least that is what I suspect.
Last night I got maybe 2 hours of good sleep. I can't fall asleep and if I do I wake up every like 15 minutes.

Basically, shit sucks right now. But I'm getting through it...As well as I can.

why_oh_you @ 2007-10-01T21:34:00

2007-10-02T03:40:32Z

Over the weekend I lost the necklace that Louis's cousin Danielle gave me.
It is my absolute favorite necklace, I wear it every day. But the chain is busted, so it always falls off. I thought that it had fallen off somewhere between my car and my apartment so basically it would have been lost forever.
But it's ok, because I found it a couple hours ago. YAY!

Other news, Coosh will get his stitches removed next friday(not this coming one but a week from this coming friday). He's doing fine. He's probably thrilled that he hasn't been getting riden.

Uhmmm, nothing else exciting going on. The boy is dumb. He doesn't understand that I don't want to date him again, that I'm basically just using him. But he's apparently not OK with that, he wants to actually date. Stupid boy.

why_oh_you @ 2007-09-28T19:24:00

2007-09-29T01:28:13Z

Well, I got to the barn today, picked CooshyCoo's hooves, and as I got to the last one I see a huge cut on the back of his ankle. There was dried blood all over the back of his leg down to his hoof. I cleaned it up, and thought I should maybe call the vet, I asked my sister(and Nicole who was with her), as well as Karen and Greg what they thought. They all agreed I should call the vet. He came and was very nice about it all.

Cooshear got somewhere between3 and 5 stitches.
I can't ride him for at least 2 weeks. But the good news is that it just split the skin. If it had been any small amount deeper, he very likely would have gotten serious damage to the tendons and ligaments, and very likely would have been lame. I got lucky. I'm so glad he's ok.

why_oh_you @ 2007-09-26T13:09:00

2007-09-26T19:11:53Z

Our baby kitten, Itsy Bitsy, ran away early this morning(around like 3 30). She's only about 4 months old, skinny (though she eats plenty), and has only been here a couple weeks. I'm really worried about her.
I just spent half an hour wandering around looking for her, and I will go out and look for her more shortly. I'm skipping classes today because I'm worried about her.
She's the cutest thing, and so friendly, I bet someone picked her up and took her home thinking that she was a stray. I really hope that she turns up soon... She's too cute...

edit::
SHE'S BACK!! yayyy!!! ^_^

why_oh_you @ 2007-09-02T18:07:00

2007-09-03T00:10:57Z

Last night was Fucked Up.
And I had a good time. Even while I was kind of freaking out, I was still enjoying it to an extent.
I woke up thinking that I was regretting some stuff about last night. But now I'm realizing that I don't regret it.
I needed that all, I'm done with drugs (except for occasional bud) for a while.

Last night was intense.

[ps, Louis and Tarayn, sorry about the phone messages, I really hope you didn't bother listening even.]

&you probably don't even read my entries

2007-08-28T05:54:40Z

It hurts that I feel that you don't care about me anymore. Probably haven't for a while. Maybe never really did... I hope you did love me like you said you did, I hope you do still care in some small way at least. But right now, I believe that I know that you don't.

I wish I wasn't such a jealous person.

[&you don't even know these entries have been about you, or you just don't care.]

why_oh_you @ 2007-08-22T18:59:00

2007-08-23T00:05:27Z

I'm in Boulder. Have been since friday. But I didn't have internet. I still technically don't. I'm stealing this from someone, but it's not always here so I don't know how much I'll be able get online. My intarweb gets hooked up the 29th. My room is all set up, and its awesome. My apartment is pretty ballin', we still have to get a couple things for the living/dining room. I'm so excited for this year, it's guna be so much fun. You should come visit.

More important news... I got a tooth pulled monday, and it hurt like hell. I'm on vicodin or however thats spelled, but im almost out and it still hurts like a cannibalistic monkey on valentines day inside of my mouth. I don't know what that means.

why_oh_you @ 2007-07-30T14:53:00

2007-07-30T20:20:16Z

It's been probably almost 2 years since I've seen you.
And yet, your words still bother me. Your words, and the fact that you probably never think of me or miss me.

I know we've grown apart, we don't talk, and that's probably my fault. Because you never did make the effort. And I've come to realize you never will.

[This house is full of ears, but I can't talk to anyone. They've heard this one a thousand times. Most exciting thing I do__hang half way out a third floor window__ maybe throw lit cigarettes down... &maybe I'll catch fire... something warm to hold me, something pure to burn away the darkness that hides inside my mind. ]

edit: But you know what, shit happens and people change...I wish in this case that wasn't true, but once something is gone, why should I spend time wishing?